i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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