Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
