Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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