Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He shit in the fireplace
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Someone signed my nipple.
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