no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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