Your tits are I can't wait for
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
