Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
