god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
