i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
