So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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