I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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