We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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