Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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