Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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