babies were throwing up all over the place
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
