You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
