a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
