where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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