so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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