Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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