i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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