I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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