I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
