I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
