Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am never drinking with the goths again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
