In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
