The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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