do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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