she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
