We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
