You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
