I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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