her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
