I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
