so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
