whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
