Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
