called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
