I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
