Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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