How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's like iHOP with fire
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
