allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
