I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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