My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
