i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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