A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
