holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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