There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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