so that wasnt chicken after all
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
