I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
