We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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