C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
