Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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