watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
