I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
