it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
