Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
