I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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