Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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