We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
