My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Are my feet made of real feet?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
