We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
