About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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