Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
