After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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