am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
