remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
