I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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