the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
