somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
